Alice Cullen is the MAN!
by Estelle Black
Summary: She's the Man Twilight style... suck at summaries please tell me what you think Estelle
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The warm sun was shinning down on my bare back; people were yelling and laughing between each other. I had about six people running after me while I had about three in front of me. The wind was in my face my short black cropped hair going every where. I wore a pink bikini top with a pair of blue short shorts that showed off my may I say my very nice thin legs. I had a black and white soccer ball only a few centimetres in front of my feet. Looking up I saw that people were coming from everywhere, but because I was so small I was able to dodge them pretty easily and score a goal.

As I played I saw that my boyfriend Edward Mason was over with all him mates cheering every time I scored a goal, gosh he was the best. You probably didn't need to hear that, but it was the truth. The whole group kept playing for hours until everyone got tired and decided to go sit back in the sun. For the fun of it I kicked the soccer ball through a life ring that was hoisted up in the air. "WOO!" I cried when I got it in.

I watched as Ed ran along and caught the ball just before it hit the ground before he ran back to me. "Oh she shoots, she scores GOAL!" Ed praised as he walked up to me a hot smile printed across his face. I giggled before reaching out for the ball but he simply chucked it up out of my reach.

"Hey," I giggled. He looked down at me a smirk printed on his lips.

"Oh you want this?" he asked waving the ball in front of my face.

I grabbed for it again but he simply pulled it out of my reach "Yes… now give it here." I laughed jumping up for it but having no hope in hell of getting it because he was so much taller than me.

"Well I guess you are just going to have to… persuade me," he stated a cocky smile on his _oh so handsome face_. I smiled before a giggled left my lips and I reached up in tip-toes and placed a lingering kiss on his lips and before I knew or he knew what he was doing he had dropped the ball and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer to his chiselled body. After a few lingering seconds he pulled away. "You're getting good."

"Aw thanks you to, I mean when we started out no offence you could not kiss." I stated looking up into his bright green eyes.

"I meant at soccer, babe." He corrected me.

"Really?"

"Yeah most defiantly, you my little star would be better than half the guys on my team."

"Thanks honey." I placed another kiss on his lips before untangling myself from his arms and running for the ball.

"I swear you love that thing more than me," he stated as he ran for the ball.

"Maybe I do." I yelled back giggling as I kicked the ball into the goal.

"So Ali you really mean I couldn't kiss at _all _when we started dating?"

"Yeah… but don't worry I have taught you well… my pretty." He simply chuckled shaking his head at me before running and getting the ball and we made our way back home from the beach.

*~*~*

The next day at school me and a whole group of girls were walking down to the oval to get ready to play our soccer game. I was busy talking to Jane Callahagn who was one of my best friends. She had honey blonde hair that fell down just past her shoulders. She was about my size and as fit a fiddle, and she was the best to talk to, but she could be a little gullible sometimes but hey we all can and I do not hold that against her. We had been friends for as long as I can remember. Today Jane had her hair done up in a ponytail and I got to say it did not suit her but she had to wear it back when play sport. Otherwise she normally wears it down.

The group and I made our down to the oval only to find that it had already been taken up by the lacrosse team and I had no idea why. "Why is the lacrosse team on our playing field?" I asked and before anyone had time to answer. My other friend Leah Clearwater had run up her long black hair tied back into a ponytail swaying as she run.

"Alice, guess what?" she started sounding infuriated "They cut our team." She held out a clip board for me to look at. "Not enough girls signed up."

"So what they just decided to cut us?" I asked anger bubbling inside of me.

"They can't do that." Jane stated in disgust.

"This isn't over. Come on." with that we left our area walking over to where the guys played soccer, my hunky Edward, anyway not the point. We made our way over to where Coach Stevenson stood. His first name was Aro weird I know he sounds so ancient with that name, but he's probably on in his late thirties.

"Hey girls, heard about the bad news." He stated not even bothering to look at us.

"Bad?" _BAD _is understatement it idiot "it's a disaster."

"Now the college scouts won't even get to see us play." Jane chipped in her voice really pissed off.

"Yeah," all the girls chorused in agreement.

"I know and if there is anything I can do you name it and I will be happy to help."

Well here's our chance. I swallowed and stated "Well actually there is, we'd like to try out for the boys team." Laughter fell from his lips. He's laughing how the hell does he find this funny? I am being serious you moron.

He turned his head and looked at me and saw that I was being dead serious. "Uh… anything but that."

_ WHAT?_ Are you freaking serious, god this guy is a freaking jerk. No wonder nobody like him. "What… come on coach you know we're good enough." I stated trying no to blow his head off but in my head I was imaging it.

"I don't know that that's a thing I know." Nice sentence dickhead, I though to myself.

"Please coach all we're asking for is one shot."

"Yeah." I heard the girl's chorus in again.

"Girls we have exactly two weeks before school starts, then we open up against Illyria. A rivalry game we have to WIN."

"And we can help you win." I stated in a softer tone.

"Hey baby," I heard the voice I knew so well from behind me. I turned to find Edward and his team running up to us. God he looked so good. Alice snap out of it, you are here to get on the team not perve on your boyfriends perfect pecs.

"Hey," I greeted smiling at him.

"What's going on coach?" he asked looking at Aro, I was still picturing his head exploding.

"Uhm… the girls here want to try out for the team." I turned to look at Edward while his team just burst out laughing. Come on baby say something good.

"You're not serious?" WHAT! _'you're not serious?_' ARE YOU SERIOUS THAT'S ALL YOU CAN SAY. HELLO **GIRLFRIEND HERE**!

"Alright, alright." Aro finally cut in silencing the guys, then he started going on about how we were all excellent players. _No duh dipshit_ I thought but then he started going on about how boys were fast and stronger and better at any sport than any other girl, and oh boy was I ready to rip his voice box out when he finished. I turned to Edward smiling and began to speak.

"Well Edward since you are team captain… what do you think?" come on something good.

"I think the coach just said it all."

"WHAT!!" I couldn't let this one slide. "Yesterday you told me I was better than half the guys on your team."

There were several guys who started with the 'What' or 'oh'  
"I never said that." He stated confidently.

"Yes you did… why are you LYING?" I yelled at him anger boiling inside me.

"Alice… end of discussion," he got out. This ought to fix him.

"Fine end of relationship." I hissed at him.

There was a chorus of guys doing the "oohh" thing. I turned and started to make my way back to school. "Babe, don't be like that," I turned to face Ed who was standing there looking innocent as all hell the freaking prick. "I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"Aww… you're so full of…" I was cut of by the last word because Aro blew his whistle. So I simply chucked the soccer ball at his head and walked away fuming.

* * *

**_A/N: Hello there my readers... okay this is a crossover i suddenly got the urge to do, anyway it is really She's the man twilight style of course Alice and Jasper being Viola and Duke. I used most of the stuff from the movie but added some of my own stuff in there._**

**_i do not own any of this just making that clear.. Steph Meyer owns Twilight while the people who made she's the man own that but please tell me what you think i love reviews._**

**_Estelle XOX_**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I walked off the oval and made my way back to class pissed off as anything, not just about the soccer team being cut but Edward… how could he? I honestly thought that he would have stuck up for me and the girls but obviously I was wrong and he did nothing, _he did **ABSOLUTLY NOTHING**_. I made my way to lesson avoiding Edward at any cost I just couldn't stand to look at him and if I had to spend at least five seconds with him I swear I would rip his voice box out and castrate him… _now just thinking about it makes me want to laugh_.

I entered my last class trying to have an empty mind and get rid of everything, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't get the last, I don't know how long I was there, but I couldn't get it out of my head and it was showing. I pushed the door open with so much force that it hit the wall with a loud _bang _disturbing everyone that was sitting silently in the class making Miss Evans lift her head her brown hair falling in front of her icy blue eyes that were framed by red glasses.

I stormed over to my seat flinging my bag on the floor next to the desk and throwing my books on the table creating a loud _thud_. Pulling the dull grey plastic chair out I fell into the seat and sat there my eyes staring at the ground and my hands clenching the wooden desk in front of me. I swear I could have barbequed anyone if I could breathe out fire, and I knew exactly who I wanted to barbeque can you guess I will give you a hint his name now is Fuck-Face got it yet? Yay congratulations Edward Fuck –Face Mason.

Turning my head I saw that several students were staring at me. "Take a picture buddy, it last's longer." I hissed making them quickly turn back to what they were doing. I just simply sat there and did nothing all lesson until the bell went and then I was out of the classroom before anyone could stop me and making my way down the corridor and out into the sunshine so I could get home.

As soon as I stepped outside I saw… can you guess who… well done you are really getting good at this. Without stopping I just continued walking praying that he wouldn't see me "ALICE!" well too late. I didn't turn around I just kept walking pretending that I didn't hear him, he kept yelling out my name and he was getting closer automatically without realizing I started running. Finally I couldn't hear his stupid voice anymore. So I stopped and took my Ipod out of my back and stuffed it into my ears, turning it on I flicked through my music till I came to a good song. Then turned it up fall blast zoning everything out and just walked toward where my house stood.

I made it through the front gate and was only a few meters away from the front door before I felt a hand grasp my shoulder tightly and fling my around. "OW," my earphones fell out of my ear and I was looking at my brother's slutty girlfriend who I absolutely hated Rosalie god she was a bitch, I don't even know why Emmett even dates her, I reckon I will ask him when I see him next.

"Oh it's you…" she started I looked at her she was in a skimpy outfit that consisted of a pink skin tight top that was so low cut that her tits were basically falling out of it, and a pair of deep blue skinny leg jeans then a pair of deadly stilettos. "Wow you and your brother look exactly the same from the back…" well I never really looked at it that way but I guess it was probably true. "I think because you _don't _have any curves." She emphasized on the '_don't_' part, not that I really care because hello it's Rosalie Hale biggest bitch I know.

"Wow hi Rosalie," I greeted in a sarcastic 'I'm so happy to see you voice."

"uh huh sure you are, anyway I am looking for my Emmett…" wait on did she just say my Emmett? Oh geez she is so weird seriously how _does _my brother date her? "Have you seen him?"

"Nope…"

"Hm… just tell your brother that he is extremely lucky to have me as a girlfriend and tell him that he needs to call me." honey I can tell you how extremely unlucky my brother is having you in your life.

"Sure he has your number right 1800 SLUT?" I asked this made her go in a huff before she turned and walked off toward her car.

Laughing to myself I walked to the front door and slowly opened it only to have my mother Esme Cullen standing in the middle of the room a large smile on her face. "Oh, Alice darling I have a surprise for you." she stated in a sing-song voice, and this my friend is why I do not bring friends home AT ALL.

"Mum seriously not now, I am tired and I need sleep." I lied… okay yeah I lied to my mother because I knew what the surprise was. Well I had a vague idea anyway, She tutted before walking over and placing her hands over my eyes telling me to close my eyes. We walked for a few steps and she kept telling me to keep my eyes closed. "Okay mum they are closed." I stated annoyance dripping from my tone.

"Okay, Surprise." I opened my eyes and holy mother of Jeebus what the hell? my mother had all these dressed lined out each as repulsive as the other, all pink and white ruffles everywhere and they just looked disgusting. Then she did the whole 'beautiful gowns for my beautiful little debutant." Speech.

"MUM HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I HAVE ABSOLUTLEY NO INTEREST IN BEING A DEBUTANT." I pointed out my voice loud and full of annoyance still.

"How could I have possibly have ended up with a daughter like you who is only interest in kicking a damn soccer ball around a muddy field?" that is an excellent question my dear mother, or more to the point how could I have ended up with a mother like you who wants her only daughter who absolutely hates dresses, make up and most defiantly DEBUTANTS.

"I don't know mum but you have finally got your wish I will no longer be playing soccer?"

"Really?" she asked her tone suddenly sounding rather happy, oh gee thanks mum.

"Yeah they cut my team in school."  
"So no more soccer?" she asked edging closer to me with one of the hideous dresses in her arms. God it was disturbing, I could just not see myself in that and truth be told I _didn't _want to either.

"Yeah mum no more soccer."

"Well that is just terrible." She stated trying to look heat broken but sucking at it completely

"Yeah mum I can see that you are so disappointed about it." I stated in a bored tone.

"Well you just wait until Edward sees you in this." She was indicating the dress in her hand. When she said her name my anger started bubbling inside me again.

"Yet another reason not to go or wear that… I dumped him." Ah that should fix her with that I started to make my way up the stairs toward Emmett's room I needed to talk to him before mum started talking again.

"What! Why? He is so manly and handsome and chiselled." EWW not good mental images, my MOTHER saying this not good, not good at all.

"You know what mum if you find him so dazzling **(A/N: haha dazzling) **why don't you ask him to escort you to the debutant, I'm sure you would make the perfect couple." In my head I was bashing my head against a wall… I can't believe I was saying any of this it is just disturbing. I turned and started to walk away as I heard mum mumbling

"Well… no I couldn't" damn straight you couldn't woman that would be disgusting. I walked up to Emmett's room not even bothering to knock and I just waltzed in, to find him packing a bag.

"Hey," I greeted.

"Hey sis."

"Rosalie was looking for you." I stated he gave me a look of complete and utter disgust I couldn't help but laugh. "Why do you even date that freaking…" I couldn't think of a word for instead I said "thing?"

"She's hot!" you're kidding me that's the only reason you are dating the slut? "It's a guy thing." He must have picked up on my expression. I watched as he chucked a bag out of his window and started lowering his guitar out.

"Um… Emm we do actually have a front door."

"I know but mum can't see me, she thinks I am staying at dads for two weeks." Our father Carlisle Cullen was about as weird as my mother, seriously how did I end up with the parents that I got? "Then dad thinks I am staying at mums for two weeks that's why Alice my darling sister divorce is so good."

"What about school?"

"Yeah well can you help me out and ring them up pretending to be mum and tell them that I am sick… really sick." Oh my god this is so stupid he is starting the new school which happened to be Iryllia and he wasn't even planning to go.

"Emmett you just got kicked out of your last school and now you are ditching this school for what reason again?"

"My music…"

"Oh well that makes it even better." I stated in a sarcastic tone, he chuckled.

"Come on Alice this is my dream and musicians don't have to know maths to go far." With that he walked over and placed a soft kiss on my head before starting to climb out the window.

"Emmett you know how many musicians make it to the big screen?"

"Probably the same amount of females who turn into world famous soccer players," was his reply before he had dropped out the window and was gone.

"Emmett, EMMETT!!"

"Were you talking to your brother?" my mother's voice suddenly came from the doorway. Oh damn it.

"Yes… on the phone… he's at dads," I stumbled over the lie trying to find the right words.

"Well, picture this… they say your name and you walk out dressed in this. Ta da." She flicked up a dress that was a bright pink colour and it was covered with lace and ruffles it always made me want to barf.

"No mum"

She huffed before talking again "you know sometimes I think you are just like your brother." With that she turned and walked out the room and suddenly an idea came to my head. I know what I am going to do. "If you can't beat them, join them." I whispered to myself a smile printed across my face. Before I picked up my phone and rang both Leah and Jane.

* * *

**_A/N: Well there you go... 2nd chapter... please tell me what you think... i only have two revies on this story... please...._**

**_Estelle XOX_**


	3. Chapter 3

I caught up with Leah and Jane, we made our way down to where another one of my friends worked at a hair salon, his name was Mike and he was a total sweetheart. As the three of us walked along laughing and joking between one and other Jane began to speak.

"Alice, so why exactly are we going to see Mike while he is at work?" I turned to look at my friend who was walking beside me her golden hair cascading down her bare back. Jane was a real fashion freak, so she always had to have something good on. Today she had a sea green and blue tie up shirt on that revealed most of her back with a small tie up section at the back and a pair of tight leather pants. I know not exactly the fashion but it looked absolutely stunning on her figure.

"Well because…" I paused for a second thinking of a say this without sounding like an idiot. "I want look like my brother." Everything went silent all that could be heard between the three of us was our shoes hitting the paved street.

"Why?" Leah asked, I could tell she was confused.

"Yeah, why would you want to look like a male when you make a stunning female?" Jane asked looking at me.

"Because I just had this idea…"

"And it is?" Leah asked cutting me off and stopping me mid step as she turned me to face her. Her dark brown eyes filled with wonder, her long black hair pulled back into a long ponytail behind her head.

"Well seeing as I can't play soccer at our school… I was going to try out for Iryllia seeing as my brother was supposed to be going this year." I could see they were both going to ask me why again so before they had a chance to speak I cut them off with an answer. "Because you know how much I love soccer and you know how good I am, so I thought that maybe if I did this I might get a chance to… I don't know…"

"Alice, I got to hand it to you, you have good ideas but you are crazy, if you get caught all hell will break loose." Leah stated as she liked one of her tan arms with mine and we all began to walk together again.

"Don't think I don't know." I stated making my two friends giggle.

*~*~*

"HA, HA, HA, HA" great he's laughing at me, now I don't feel embarrassed. "You want me to turn you into your brother?" he asked as he looked at me laughter in his blue eyes.

"Well yeah, I do. Because I am going to Illyria as Emmett then I am going to make the team…" hopefully "Then in twelve weeks time I am going to beat the team back home." I stated a smile printed across my face.

"Right…" he began as he looked at me, raising one of his eyebrows. "Seriously Alice I think you have take one too many soccer balls to the head." he stated before going back to work on the woman's hair in front of him.

"Mike please, beside you know that I am capable to do it." I stated placing my hands on my hips and looking at him with a stern look on my face.

"Of course you can," he stated still looking at the woman's hair. "Except for your voice, and your mannerisms, and well of course the breasts." He stated looking down at my chest area. "And your mentality." He continued. As he continued I awkwardly looked down at my breasts _Mmmhh they may be a little bit of a problem._ I thought to myself before pulling my jacket over them hiding them slightly.

"Besides, it doesn't matter. No one in Illyria even knows Sebastian; they wouldn't know the difference between the two." Leah stated. At times like these I am so glad that I have such great friends, like I do.

"Um… They'll know he's a girl." He stated looking at all three of us.

ARGH that's it I've had enough, "Oh come on Mike." I begged, looking at him trying my hardest to persuade him into doing it.

"Yeah, come on Mike." Jane and Leah chorused behind me in their sweetest voices.

"Yeah, come on Mike," the old lady who was seated in front of him said turning to look at him, curlers in his hair.

It was silent for a few seconds before he sighed shaking his head at me, "Okay, fine I will do it."

"YES!" I high fived the woman in front of me, and I heard Leah and Jane high five behind me.

*~*~*

Mike sat me down in one of the chairs at the salon and the work began we tried so many different things, beards, goatees, moustaches, beards with moustaches. I have to say that it was the most fun I had had in a long time. Mike put a moustache on and so did Leah and James it was just hilarious.

Hours passed before we finally got the look we were looking for, my hair almost exactly the same as my darling brothers. After that Mike led me outside and told me to watch what every male does, but try not to be stalkerish or weird. I took in what he said and started doing what I had to.

I watched and copied so many different men that I was getting a little confused, they are so different to us girls, they have so many different types of walking its just annoying.

Anyway, I spent a couple of hours imitating men before I went back to the salon with Mike and we figured out how I was going to hide my breasts from all the males at Illyria.

*~*~*

"So what are you going to do now?" Jane asked me as we left the salon and began walking down the street toward my house.

"Well I guess I am going to have to go home and pack, get ready to leave. You know," I stated looking at her as we walked along. "But before I do that, I need a coffee, anyone in?"

"YES!" the two girls just about screamed. We all burst out laughing as we walked into the coffee shop and ordered our coffee.

As we all stood in line, I heard male laughter enter the café, I turned to find that Edward had entered with a few of his mates. "Oh bugger it." I groaned.

"What?" Leah asked turning to look at me.

"Look who just entered." Leah turned her head.

"Oh, you want me to kill him?"

I giggled, "No we can let him live… today." We both giggled.

"Alice?" I heard his voice speak.

"Bum…" I whispered.

"Alice is that you?" he asked, I felt a hand on my shoulder as he turned me to face him. "Oh Ali it is you."

"We've established that." I pointed out in a bored tone.

"Listen babe…."

"Three large Lattes'?" the woman at the counter called out.

"Yeah, that would be ours." I stated turning away from Edward grabbing the three cups and leaving as quickly as I could.

*~*~*

I reached home, I shut the door and ran up into my room grabbing out my large suitcase and pulling out clothes that I would need for the year. I packed a few of my female things as well making sure to hide them as well as I could.

Once I was packed I quickly made my way downstairs hoping and praying that I had missed my mother but to my disaffection I had in fact not missed my mother because I heard her call from the dining room.

"Uh… Where are you going?"

"Mum I told you, I am going to for two weeks," I said hoping that she would drop it and let me go, but her being the mother she was didn't.

"No you didn't, and you're not going." _Ooohhh, be quiet woman before I lose it. _I told myself. "We have hardly spent anytime together this summer, ow you go back up there and unpack."

I turned and began to walk back toward mum who was sitting at the table in one of her outfits. "Okay mum, I thought about what you said and I have decided that, you know that Rosalie is going to be there twenty four-seven with Sebastian, so I thought um…. I don't know maybe she could help me a little with the whole debutant thing."

"Oh this is so exciting…" mum gushed.

"Isn't it," I stated faking excitement.

"Oh you are going to have so much fun…." She began and she wouldn't stop until she had got me to the door, by then I was just about ready to hit her. I quickly said goodbye and got out of there as fast as I could.

_**A/N: so here you go sorry for the long update, but here it finally is. Tell me what you think and I own nothing Twilight is Stephanie Meyers and She's the Man goes to whoever made and produced it.**_


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